The Kitchen Clinic: 3 DIY Bodywork Hacks Using Household Objects

During my decades in clinical practice, I often told my patients that the best massage therapist in the world is the one they have at home: themselves. You don’t always need a $200 percussion massager or a weekly standing appointment to find relief from chronic tension.

Sometimes, all you need is a granite countertop, a bath towel, and a “magic” fat Sharpie. Here are three professional-grade techniques to reset your kinetic chain using items you already own.

1. The “Countertop” Hip Reset (TFL & Glutes)

If you’ve read my article on why your IT Band is screaming, you know the Tensor Fasciae Latae (TFL) is usually the culprit. Using a kitchen countertop—granite or marble is best for the “sink”—allows you to use your body weight for deep, clinical leverage.

You know the Sharpie technique but you can use the same technique to address TFL and gluteals with the edge of a countertop. Granite tops are my favorite but just about any counter top will do. The idea is to move your leg outward to slacken the muscles in the side of your hip. Then use the edge and the corners of the counter to dig in to your front, side and back of your hips. This may not work for all people, some may need a very stable, no slip stool and some may need to lean down a bit.

• The Setup: Stand against the edge of your counter. Move your target leg outward (abduction) to slacken the hip muscles.
• The Technique: Use the flat edge of the counter for your broader Glute Medius, or the 90-degree corner to dig into the front-side “pocket” of your hip (the TFL).
• The Clinical Pro-Tip: Some may need a small stool for the non-working leg to get the height right. Lean in and breathe. You are looking for that “bruised golf ball” feeling to melt away.

2. The Spinal Towel Roll (The Tech-Neck Killer)

Forward Head Posture (FHP) and “rounded shoulders” are the hallmarks of the modern office worker. This technique uses gravity to perform a passive stretch on the Pectoralis Minor and the Thoracic Cage.

Bath towels are great too. One of my favorite upper body relaxation techniques is to roll up a towel and lay my spine over the towel. You have to experiment with different towels to see which one feel the best but let me tell you what you are looking for. You’ll want to fatten up the towel a bit in your lumbar region. You want the towel to end at your cervical spine. When you lay face up with the towel supporting your spine you will feel your shoulders want to fall back toward the floor. This is another key ingredient of the right towel. The right towel will not hold your scapulae, or shoulder blades, up; they should fall down creating a stretch in your pectorals. At this time open your arms wide and feel your shoulder blades touch the ground. You may want to tuck your chin down slightly to get a stretch through your neck. This will stretch your thoracic cage, free up your scapula and help reset forward head posture all in one. Amazing!

• The Setup: Roll a bath towel into a firm “log.” Lay it on the floor and lie down so the towel supports your spine from your lower back to the base of your skull.
• The Technique: You want enough “fatness” in the towel to support your lumbar curve, but not so much that it’s uncomfortable. Open your arms wide like a “T.”
• The Goal: Your shoulder blades (scapulae) should NOT be supported by the towel. They should fall toward the floor. This stretches the chest and resets the thoracic spine.
• The Finish: Tuck your chin slightly to stretch the suboccipital muscles at the base of your neck. Hold for 5–10 minutes.

3. The Table-Edge Forearm Pump

Stiff forearms are the silent driver of “Mouse Elbow” and Carpal Tunnel symptoms. Using a heavy table edge allows for Cross-Fiber Friction—the gold standard for breaking up muscular adhesions.

The next one is for forearm pain. Anyone who types should do these. You’ll want to use a heavy table and with your forearm between you and the edge of the table, palm facing toward you, lean in on your forearm to apply compression and friction to your extensor muscles. Extensor muscles are on the side of the forearm with the back of your hand. Be sure to open and close your hand and feel the different extensor muscles fire. You will feel some discomfort and those are generally the places you should focus on. Areas with discomfort can mean there is adhesion in the extensors be it fascial or muscular. Probably a good time to drink water.
For the flexor muscles in your forearm sit close the 90˚ bend of the table. Flexor muscles are the forearm muscles on the palm side of your forearm. Lift your arm over the bend and rest your forearm, palm down. across the edge of the table. Using the same compression and friction technique you can break up adhesion and pump in fresh healthy blood to your forearm muscles. To finish off your forearms you can use your thumb, or the magic fat sharpie, to compress and friction the small muscles and tendon that are around your inner and outer elbow bone.

• Extensors (Top of Arm): Face the table. Place your forearm across the edge, palm facing you. Lean in to apply compression and friction. The “MT” Secret: Open and close your hand while the muscle is pinned against the table. You will feel the muscles fire and “release” under the pressure.
• Flexors (Bottom of Arm): Sit at a 90-degree corner. Lay your forearm across the edge, palm down. Use the same leaning compression to pump fresh blood into the flexor group.
• The Sharpie Finish: Use the “Magic Fat Sharpie” (or your thumb) to apply pinpoint pressure to the small tendons around the inner and outer elbow bones.

This article was designed to allow those without the means to purchase massage tools and professional sessions get relief from muscle pain with everyday household goods. Don’t let the simplicity fool you. These techniques work because they follow the same mechanical principles I used in my professional practice. Try them tonight and feel your kinetic chain reset.